Emerging

I've been very quiet for the past year, I've needed time to process a major life change.

It's a difficult story but I'd like to share it to shine some light on those struggling with loss.

There are spiritual gifts that can emerge from trauma, this post is to inspire people to keep going.

In 2020 a friend who is a numerologist and astrologist told me 2021 equated to a 5 year and in a 5 year, anything can happen, good, bad or chaotic.

5 is a gypsy, she is there then she is not, nothing is tangible and nothing is solid, she predicted 2021 could bring anything

How right she was....

A year ago my husbands' heart stopped... It quietly & without any fuss, simply stopped and he departed this earthly realm right in front of me...

All we were for the past 13 years & all we were planning for our next chapter stopped as quickly as his heart that very day.

Nothing would ever be the same for us from that moment onwards

Tragedy entered my life in all its surreal and grief ridden heaviness

The physical, emotional and mental pain is beyond words & a million knives

Nothing can make it go away and nothing can distract you from it

The only way to survive it is to be in it, to fully experience it while all other parts of you are screaming to go/do anything to avoid it...

The first month was a blur of pain

Wrenching and writhing as the shock waves hit and his essence separated from mine

My physical body had never known shock like this, it hurt like a stab wound

My heart felt like it is physically broke into a thousand pieces, emotionally and physically

My mind went over every little word he uttered, looking for something I missed, a question I should have asked, guilt from not acting sooner when I knew something wasn't right

Sifting back through photos looking for when he started to look different, tracking back to when he started to move slower, became more fatigued

Guilt that I didn't do more, investigate more, act on my instincts, make drs appointments sooner, it goes on and on...

I know its not my fault but thats what the mind does, it looks for blame and blames itself.

It's been a recalibration like no other in my life!

Never has it been more important to go within to come back into my centre and practice all my tools to balance myself or risk losing myself and everything I have.

I needed to create the space to do this, the life we had was gone and a whole new life is in its creation. A whole lot fell away for this to happen. I would never have expected to have to process the massive changes to my life.

No one will tell you that when you lose a partner, you don't just lose your best friend, you lose the life you had.... That in itself has been a grieving process.

My life took a whole different direction dramatically. One that I didn't choose but none the less, need to live. Nothing prepares you for such dramatic life changes, surrendering, accepting and softening into these extreme changes is the only way for me.

I can now fully understand how losing a loved one could break you but I have chosen to transmute this tragedy into a love story instead.

The thing with grief is it's intangible

It has no schedule, it rises and falls like an unpredictable earthquake, breaking you open, hitting like a tidal wave, violently recalibrating the cellular body, the mind has no power to negotiate its way out of it, words disappear as quickly as social graces, uncontrollable physical reactions shake through, shock kicks in over and over again wreaking havoc with your adrenals, exhaustion follows... All that on repeat & you have GRIEF

Then as the exhaustion rolls into the stillness, emerges the gift of PRESENCE

The veils start to dissolve, the mind truly takes the back seat and spiritual connection presents its frequency...

IN THAT PRESENCE, THE DISCONNECTION DISSOLVES

THE REALMS BECOME ONE

I feel his love, I see him & hear him, my connection to him continues to deepen even after his body has gone.

The only way to describe this space is like the energy we hold in ceremony.

Truly, I believe this is the greatest awareness to come out of this monumental loss

Pure love is found in pure presence and in this place there is no separation

ONLY COMMUNION

The moments in between then & now have been timeless in nature, devastatingly heart breaking, exquisite, terrifying, knee dropping & sacred experiences...

Moments of heart wrenching devastation and endless tears to exquisite conscious connection with his beautiful spirit and a deeper connection to the spirit in everyone and everything.

Experiencing his Soul in his fullest power & vibrance was at first, upsetting ... How could he be so free when I was in so much pain... I kept asking him how he could be so happy, he showed me a pendulum swinging and explained to me that energy always finds its level, as much pain as I was experiencing, the balance would be an expanded connection to both him and the Holy Spirit. Emotion is like water, it always finds its level.

Each time my energy swings from deep loss and sadness to deep connection with his divine Spirit, the level I come back to is a deeper knowing of Divinity.

For me, this pendulum of contraction to expansion I've been living feels like an analogy of the energy of 2021/2022. One moment we are in the constriction of restrictions and the feeling of not being free the next we realise we are free and expanding into a greater connection with all that is...

It is only through the suffocating feelings of constriction that we are inspired to find expansion.

I acknowledge that a part of me has most definitely died and I've been reborn as a different version of My Self. His passing has expanded my heart beyond its previous capacity as I live with the purity of his soul in my everyday life... he is still teaching me how to love just as he did in life. I have come to accept that I will never be the person I was, I'm forever changed. It has taken some time for me to get to know myself again as this new version

I am still navigating what my next chapter looks like without my beloved.

Sticking to my rituals of Breathwork, yoga, meditation, ceremony, being in nature, staying present & being gentle with myself have been my priority. There have also been some master plant medicines that have supported this journey.

On the other side of tragedy there are always heart warming gifts, here are some that have given me some solace

1. Appreciation for loved ones.

I see the effects my experience has given my family, friends & community

Seeing everyone treasuring their partners absolutely gives my pain and loss more meaning

2. Receiving

The most potent healing I have experienced, amongst all the incredible support I have received, is the gift of Presence from some of my friends and family

Simply sitting & witnessing me without words or advice, in whatever state I am in, without feeling uncomfortable has been the best medicine I could have received. It granted me permission to be in my fragility & vulnerability, I truly embodied the art of receiving and I allowed myself to stop and rest.

3. Communication

Everything is possible while there is life, change is always possible if you feel unhappy in your relationships, heart centred communication, compassion and patience are your allies.

Life is precious and should be honoured every moment.

4. Understanding Soul Journey

I deeply understand each human has their own soul journey and it is not for any of us to resent their journey, who are we to resent when someone we love comes to the end of their human life, it would be like resenting someone for choosing to come into life when they are born. Both are Sacred transitions to be honoured.

5. Presence

His passing has been the most solid expansion/practice I have ever experienced, in all its torture, I have been forced to sit still and feel it all, unlike any other of life challenges, I could not work, play, create or dream my way out of the pain.

The only place that I could be is present with it all and to trust in the divine order of his & my own path.

6. Acceptance

The key is allowing the vulnerability and accepting the trauma experience has happened. The frequency of ACCEPTANCE, is softer and allows an opening and surrendering to the pain and loss.

7. Spiritual Connection

My greatest fear was that my mountain of a man was no longer here to hold and support me but as the year after has proved, he absolutely is still with me and more powerful and whole in his spirit than he could be earth side. This was evident at a retreat I held recently, I called on him to be my highest guide and the transmissions shared that weekend were on point! He came through loud and clear, his spirit swift and present as a willy wag tail!

8. Communion

Exhaustion allowed the presence to be in communion with his spirit, to truly hear what he is saying and to feel his guidance. This knowing reinforced my spiritual understanding of how our spirit lives on and that separation is an illusion.

Whilst I can appreciate the gifts, I also allow myself to feel the pain and grieve his physical presence as well as the huge sudden changes to my life.

I love that man with all that I am, and I say love instead of loved intentionally because I know he is still here & there & everywhere...

Being crafted in the fire is the path of the true healer

The initiations are intense and so are the expansions

There is no other way to wisdom

There is no faster way to grow but through adversity.

For many years I have been holding sacred space for people to clear and heal, often channelling the love of those on the other side, bringing through the messages and gifts for my clients who have loved ones in the higher realms.

I have always believed those we love are never far from us even when after they leave their bodies. Now I have first hand experience of communing with my closest person, my greatest Ally who has now become my greatest guide, his divine support has only strengthened what I offer my clients.

Another ability is emerging, a place & space that I am now practiced in holding...... it's the ability to support those who are in grief to be able to somatically release the heaviness for them to feel their loved ones. Through the frequency of love, we can integrate the healing that comes from being witnessed and held.

In the western world we have lost the ceremonial practices to prepare for the death and rebirth transition. These days it lends itself to a religious experience as opposed to a spiritual one. I feel this is why we are never prepared for death. It's a fact that as sure as we are born, we will leave our physical bodies yet its never something we even consider throughout life in western civilisation. Its one of those topics that no one is comfortable with yet it is something that happens to us all... I find this "elephant in the room" approach quite perplexing. To better understand this sacred transitioning home, I've been immersing in the philosophies and teachings of Christ, many ancient civilisations & First Nations cultures, I've always been fascinated in the spiritual teachings but now more than ever their wisdom is supporting me to live knowing our spirit is eternal.

The First Nations people around the world know that our ancestors are always there and have specific ceremonies to commune with them. My daily life has now become a ceremony of communion with my beloved.

Our spirit lives on AND it has a frequency, the frequency is LOVE

These are changing times, we’ve all seen a lot of changes in our lives over these past few years. The question is what can we do to transform the challenges into enhancements rather than allow them to deplete us further?

We should also remember there have been many beautiful, heart warming moments and gifts which have bound us closer as a global family! Many have passed through to higher realms, many have suffered here on earth, many have lost much over this evolutionary time.

We are most definitely being forced into our pain, our shadows & our fears. This is part of the process of Emerging as brighter, lighter versions of ourselves.

Remembering always that this human experience is not just to survive but to THRIVE

YES it is painful and requires cracking open to reveal your precious hearts intention, that precious heart is the primary tool of creating the life you were born to live and contains all the possibilities that are born of love.

It's not easy to open your heart when you've been wounded, trauma is a painful contraction.

To support this process there are many Master plant medicines that have been gifted to us from this divine earth. They imbue vibrational shifts in the anatomical body & allow the heart to open which gives us better access to our sensory selves to feel the way forward.

Everything we need to heal and find the light is within us, it's just a frequency shift away!

From this darkness I have found so much light, the gift is an emerging offering for my people, a closer connection to Source and a greater connection to Spirit.

We are never alone.

Coming to you with my heart wide open

Danielle ✨

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