Recently I went through a box containing old pics of days gone by... I found myself in hysterics at the poses and the posse's of those eras! Then a nostalgic feeling came over me, where are those people now? When I thought about it... I realised some had gone onto other realms and left this plane, some were still in my phone we hadn't connected for years, some had hurt me and I'd let them go and some had just dropped of the face of the earth, maybe living lives overseas or who knows.... at the time we were speaking every day, hanging out and going out whenever we could but as we grow up, lives change, values change, lifestyles change & circumstances can take us apart. The love is still there for most of those past friendships, each one of them was a part of my development and enhanced or taught me something significant and deserve a respectful place in the tapestry of my life!
Revisiting those times with nostalgia and curiosity made me contemplate who is in my life right now, (some of them have been around since I was in Kindergarten and no doubt will be there for the rest of my life) but how many of them will be there in 20 years time..... how do we anticipate that our current friendships may only be for this time? In my heart I hope that all my close friendships will be there forever but history shows us a different outcome...
Do you ever wonder who is truly destined to be in your life forever?
It is said that people come in for a moment, a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When we connect with someone we like or resonate with, there is the hope that they will become one of those golden friendship/partnership that spans a lifetime but more often than not, it will turn out to be a relationship that brings something like a moment of clarity or fun, a reason to grow or simply a season of support then the relationship fades into a memory and eventually disappears... this used to disappoint & sadden me, I'd wonder why that relationship faded away when we had shared such good times, insightful conversations, beautiful experiences etc...
Over the years I'v heard many of my clients and friends expressing the same disappointment. When I really felt into it, I realised we all want loving connections, fulfilling relationships and relationships that survive the tests of time, we invest in connections only to be left with a feeling of failure when the relationship reveals itself to be something other than what we were hoping it to be.... I know now that this is not a healthy perspective to be in! We have not failed, it's clear to me that whatever the purpose of that connection, for whatever period of time, it was a gift and should be honoured as such!
As human beings we crave to be around our clan or tribe and to know they are truly there because they love us. No matter the language, its 2017, most of us don't live in tribes or clans anymore, living has become a solo journey for so many and loneliness is common. We now find our tribe with our vibe and our vibe often changes, we attract what we are resonating and there in lies the point of connection, whether it be moment, reason, season or lifetime!
We are always given what we need in life, when we trust that we are loved and supported, we can allow those connections to be exactly what they are without feeling loss or pain, to honour that moment, reason or season for the gift it was and not expect anymore from it, with expectation comes disappointment and leaves us with an empty feeling rather than feeling full and nourished by the experience.
The lifetime connections are usually family and life partners, these relationships are not always easy, these people are there for a lifetime of lessons and growth for all concerned, they push our buttons and throw salt in our wounds but I am of the understanding that our souls' have chosen this experience for that growth. We can't walk away from these people, even when we feel the toxicity, we are there, immersed in the relationship, learning new tools to grow and expand through throughout the lifetime of that connection!
These relationships can be incredibly nourishing and supportive or they can be destructive and painful but you are guaranteed of one thing and that is expansion! A greater understanding of what makes you tick, to become aware of your wounds are and what you need in your connections. I see so many people walk away from their lifetime relationships due to the pain outweighing the positives. Staying in your safety zone with relationships will ensure you don't get hurt but it will not help you grow and learn more about yourself, inevitably keeping you in stasis and paralysed by the fear of being hurt.
Pain and disappointment is part of deep connections, it is the way forward and if it is handled with the respect it deserves, the gifts in that friendship/relationship are exponential! I would rather have the opportunity to work through something with that person than having a shallow, safe and unfulfilling connection. With time, space and good communication, the lifetime relationships give us so much gold, they are worth hanging in there! They give us an opportunity to observe our triggers, to take responsibility for our reactions and teach us how to create healthy boundaries.
When we don't feel separate from our spirit, a deep sense of self honouring and self respect takes us to the most compassionate parts of ourselves... learning to love ourselves is the key to having healthy relationships! Then to allow all relationships to be whatever they are meant to be without reacting, without going into abandonment and victimhood, allows the wisdom and gifts specific to that connection! But 1st we must love our own company!
First and foremost is to learn how to love yourself wholly to be able to love others, to truly forgive yourself to be able to forgive others and to honour yourself deeply to be able to honour others. Knowing your path enables us to see the path of others which may not always be aligned with yours but they have their gifts to share and that is also a beautiful thing!
Eventually, when we love ourselves deeply enough that we find those beloved souls who move to the same beat of the same self love drum! Follow the love and the love follows you!
December Weekend workshop
The Connection Programme will guide you into deeper self love! You will be immersed in the company of like minded people who will support your growth, your tribe is waiting for you!
Reserve your place for our Dec 9th & 10th Workshop
at
www.resonatetherapy.com
